Mountain of light

A very clear sign that I am getting old is that my mind is now taking longer and longer to process things and even more time to get some sense out of it all. I used to be able to do all this process all this very quickly and the delay usually was because of lack of time. So I am in London and I am trying to think what should I write about my first thoughts about this place that is now going to be my home for some time to come. Except my mind is still stuck on processing the short trip that I made to Benares before I moved to London.

Although my short sojourn was barely 2 weeks back it almost seems another lifetime. The place seems on a completely different plane from even Delhi not to talk about London, also the fact that it all seems so distant now. I am not sure why I went there to begin with. Yes I always wanted to go to Benares but the timing of it all intrigues me. Why do I decide to go there just a few days before I need to pack my bags and leave, the time would have been well spent with family and friends. Even more intriguing is that I decided to follow this whim. I usually don’t follow my whims or atleast not as much as I used to. In the end it all worked out pretty well, my best friend decided to accompany me and the trip was an unusual combination of spirituality, beer, poetry and reminiscing of the days bygone.  I didn’t even mind the filth, the commotion, the aggressive temple priests and the late trains. 

It is difficult for me to describe Benares. I feel I can spend a lifetime there and not understand what is in the place that for centuries drawn has people from all over the world, seeking whatever it is that they are seeking. I am still trying to figure out what drew me to Benares. For me the best moment in my trip was the boat ride on the Ganga going through the ghats and seeing the shoreline with all its temples and the one mosque. The boat ride so made my trip that I refused to go the next day morning to see the sunrise. I was content with what I had seen and really didn’t want to see anymore. I loved the scenes on the ghats with the various temples, people doing their prayers taking their holy dips, an occasional Naga Sadhu getting the crowd’s attention, boatmen trying to sell their rides and us trying to capture it all with our cameras and minds. All this while I could feel a strange sort of peace and tranquility in the background.

Suddenly, my troubles and fears didn’t matter anymore. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. There was this peace and quiet that was much louder than the loudspeakers, much purer than the water, much bigger than the idols and much stronger than anything I have ever known. Maybe I have been here before, maybe I have always been here, maybe it has always been with me.

Benares.